“Yes, We Do Hate You”: Memoir of a Suwannee Worker

I’m writing this anonymously because I don’t want to be fired and because I don’t want people to know who I am. But, on behalf of everyone who works at Suwannee I want everyone to know this: we fucking hate all of you.

You think you have it rough because you have a biology test and some girl won’t text you back? Try working 40 hours a week at minimum wage serving and cleaning up after thousands of 18 year olds. That’s fucking rough.

You know what else sucks? Spending hours preparing a nice, healthy meal of chicken with rice and vegetables only for you to eat pepperoni pizza for the fifth goddamn night in a row. And you wonder why we spit in your soup when you’re not looking?

I do all of this work but do I get any credit? Of course not. The only person at Suwannee anyone ever talks about is Ms Killings. Let me tell you something, Ms Killings doesn’t do shit. All she does is sit on a stool and swipe cards for a few hours. I’m the one cooking and cleaning and making this whole operation work, but no one ever says they love me.

And you know what else would be nice? If maybe for once we had something on the tv that wasn’t fucking ESPN. Do you people already seriously not get enough sports already, you have to watch it every second of your pathetic lives? And if it’s not ESPN than it’s a group of quirky girls watching a Harry Potter marathon on ABC Family. How predictable can you people get?

But, I’ve come to accept all of this. College students will never change. My only hope is one day you will be the one to make a bunch of cookies only to see me walk up, stick three of them in my pocket, and walk away.