In a very predictable series of events, that one kid in your class who is literally always on Reddit will not stop talking about the smash hit Deadpool. The movie, which came out this past weekend and is now the highest grossing R-rated movie of all time, is literally the only thing this pasty white dude can talk about.
Read MoreLate Wednesday afternoon, business major Zebediah Prettypenny created a study guide for the upcoming exam in his economics class, only to put it up for sale. Fellow students received e-mails advertising the sale of the study guides for ‘five easy payments of $19.99.’
Read MoreComing off the heels of an exceedingly average Valentine's Day, local couple Ted Stroll and Liz Teyger nearly accomplished a feat that had yet to occur since the first week of their relationship. Until disaster struck, it seemed their night out may have actually been free of a knock-down, drag-em out screaming match.
Read MoreIgnoring all principles of basic human decency and personal space, local Rapunzel Sofie Grimm was excited to put her hair all over her classmate’s desk during Intro to Astronomy. Unluckiest girl in the world Carly Crumpler had the misfortune of being assigned the seat behind the fair lady.
Read MoreFollowing the death of Supreme Court Justice and world-renowned bigot Antonin Scalia, the American public awaits the appointment of a new judge who will take the vacant spot in the nation’s highest court.
Read MoreIn an act of unparalleled gentlemanliness, local nice guy Joe Belloni held the door for a group of people that happened to include one female. He then proceeded to broadcast his act of valor over the incredibly unpopular social media platform Yik Yak to prove to all three women on the app that chivalry is, in fact, not dead.
Read MoreStudent Brandon Yang has reportedly aced the LSAT after binge-watching the popular Netflix documentary series Making A Murderer in less than two days. The series, which follows the real life case of Steven Avery, who was put on trial for the murder of Teresa Halbach after being wrongfully convicted years prior, reportedly taught Yang everything he needed to know about the legal system.
Read MoreStudents of Professor Joshua Chen’s speech class have come to the conclusion that Professor Chen is officially sweaty enough to make class weird. According to student accounts it is mostly because even on days that require a minimum of four layers to stay warm, he still comes through looking like he just ran a marathon through Death Valley in the middle of July.
Read MoreStudents reported late Tuesday afternoon that a story written by local creative writing major Noah Glass that he read to his creative fiction workshop class was not only terrible, but clearly about himself.
Read MoreWith bouts of beautiful weather, Tallahassee has officially begun teasing its residents and lying to tour groups. On such days, students are eager to spend time out on Landis with a frisbee, their dogs, a hammock or in the case of everyone’s least favorite couple, on top of each other with what can only be described as unnaturally heavy foreplay.
Read MoreFlorida State sophomore Dan Powers is proud to have made it into his second February as a student at Florida State, not only because he’s managed to stay exploratory for this long, but because he’s entering his tenth consecutive month of Denny’s-free dining.
Read MorePRO: The mouthwatering taste of God’s nectar: sweet tea. CON: The unpleasant aftertaste of realizing that their God hates gays.
Read MoreJunior economics major Seth Jaffrey has always been known to have a song in his soul that he needed to get out. Fortunately for nobody except himself, Jaffrey has strategically found the most disruptive and inconvenient time to express his self-proclaimed musical expertise by tapping his foot through the entirety of his ECO 3104 lecture.
Read MoreOn what was supposed to be an ordinary Monday night Intro to Film screening, freshman Tristan Ames reportedly impressed everyone by showing up to class wearing a full three-piece suit. Reports from his classmates indicate that the screening, an early release of Adam Sandler’s Grown Ups 3: The Revenge of the Grown Ups, could hardly be heard over the chattering caused by Mr. Ames’ impressive getup.
Read MoreLocal student Ahmad Oliveros reportedly began to realize he doesn’t need the textbook for his class, much to his horror. Oliveros had to buy Applied Mathematics for the College Student, 43rd edition, with the afterword signed by the professor himself.
Read MoreAccording to an anonymous source, recent college senior Reed Rodriguez is reportedly at risk of applying to grad school. Feeling the need to “grow in an academic atmosphere that focuses on his actual passion as opposed to passing mind numbing prerequisites,” he has decided to apply to graduate school in Iowa for an MFA in 17th Century Literature.
Read MoreWednesday marks another class of uncomfortable thirst observation for the students of Introduction to Fiction Writing as they were forced to endure another round of classmate Paula Hayes’ horrendous flirting with their professor.
Read MoreDonnatella Moss is a senior at Florida State, and, like all students who have an exploratory major for too long, she is a Psychology major. For some time she has vlogged about unconfirmed conspiracies involving the Psychology department, but now claims she has proof. This morning, she reported an uncomfortable incident that occurred earlier in the day.
Read MoreAries: Your Racist Classmates Aries is the first of the zodiac signs. These talkative and self-oriented folks tend to be impulsive and usually don’t think before they speak.
Read MoreAs the semester gets into full swing, many newer students are leaving behind their bad habits of last semester for happier, healthier lives this spring. Amongst these students is freshman Will Bailey, who spent all of Wednesday debating whether he would like to keep eating garbage at Fresh Foods, or switch things up a little and start eating garbage at Suwannee.
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