Coming off the heels of an exceedingly average Valentine's Day, local couple Ted Stroll and Liz Teyger nearly accomplished a feat that had yet to occur since the first week of their relationship. Until disaster struck, it seemed their night out may have actually been free of a knock-down, drag-em out screaming match.
Read MoreThis spring, Meteorology student Marie Combs will graduate after a four-year intensive program at Florida State University. Combs will leave the prestigious program with extensive knowledge in her field and the ability to initiate small talk surrounding just how crazy the weather has been this week in any given situation.
Read MoreIgnoring all principles of basic human decency and personal space, local Rapunzel Sofie Grimm was excited to put her hair all over her classmate’s desk during Intro to Astronomy. Unluckiest girl in the world Carly Crumpler had the misfortune of being assigned the seat behind the fair lady.
Read MoreFollowing the death of Supreme Court Justice and world-renowned bigot Antonin Scalia, the American public awaits the appointment of a new judge who will take the vacant spot in the nation’s highest court.
Read MoreIn an act of unparalleled gentlemanliness, local nice guy Joe Belloni held the door for a group of people that happened to include one female. He then proceeded to broadcast his act of valor over the incredibly unpopular social media platform Yik Yak to prove to all three women on the app that chivalry is, in fact, not dead.
Read MoreStudent Brandon Yang has reportedly aced the LSAT after binge-watching the popular Netflix documentary series Making A Murderer in less than two days. The series, which follows the real life case of Steven Avery, who was put on trial for the murder of Teresa Halbach after being wrongfully convicted years prior, reportedly taught Yang everything he needed to know about the legal system.
Read MoreStudents of Professor Joshua Chen’s speech class have come to the conclusion that Professor Chen is officially sweaty enough to make class weird. According to student accounts it is mostly because even on days that require a minimum of four layers to stay warm, he still comes through looking like he just ran a marathon through Death Valley in the middle of July.
Read MoreAt a Bush campaign stop in Nashua, New Hampshire last night, a nearby horse broke its leg under the heavy weight of the silence following what has not been described as a rousing speech by Jeb(!).
Read MoreIn a manic rush from caffeine and having listened to Daft Punk on loop for the past 48 hours, FSU students were proud to announce that they developed a software to remove the disease that has been plaguing the tropics lately: the Zika virus.
Read MoreJealous of all the attention the young, handsome, charismatic and just all around cool guy Carolina Panthers star Cam Newton has been receiving for his dancing prowess, Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning took it upon himself to match his upcoming opponents moves.
Read MoreStudents reported late Tuesday afternoon that a story written by local creative writing major Noah Glass that he read to his creative fiction workshop class was not only terrible, but clearly about himself.
Read MoreOnce-proud literature professor Dr. Tom Villanueva is now considering a new career path after calling on student Rachel Lake, only to discover she was actually “just stretching.” Such embarrassment has plagued educators since the beginning of time, but Dr. Villanueva vows it will not happen again, not to him.
Read MoreWith bouts of beautiful weather, Tallahassee has officially begun teasing its residents and lying to tour groups. On such days, students are eager to spend time out on Landis with a frisbee, their dogs, a hammock or in the case of everyone’s least favorite couple, on top of each other with what can only be described as unnaturally heavy foreplay.
Read MoreAs any true American knows, one of the finest features of the land of the free was demonstrated this morning, when early stages of this nation’s fate were decided. However, this year was slightly different. Millions of individuals from either side of the argument came together to determine the outcome of this crucial day in American history, and the decision came down to the wire.
Read MoreFlorida State sophomore Dan Powers is proud to have made it into his second February as a student at Florida State, not only because he’s managed to stay exploratory for this long, but because he’s entering his tenth consecutive month of Denny’s-free dining.
Read MoreFollowing the first sold-out game in FSU men’s basketball history, an unpaid marketing intern working within the FSU athletic department thinks he’s found the cause: an ambiguous advertisement that seemed to associate Coach Hamilton’s men’s basketball team with a performance of Hamilton: The Musical at the Civic Center.
Read MorePRO: The mouthwatering taste of God’s nectar: sweet tea. CON: The unpleasant aftertaste of realizing that their God hates gays.
Read MoreJunior economics major Seth Jaffrey has always been known to have a song in his soul that he needed to get out. Fortunately for nobody except himself, Jaffrey has strategically found the most disruptive and inconvenient time to express his self-proclaimed musical expertise by tapping his foot through the entirety of his ECO 3104 lecture.
Read MoreOn what was supposed to be an ordinary Monday night Intro to Film screening, freshman Tristan Ames reportedly impressed everyone by showing up to class wearing a full three-piece suit. Reports from his classmates indicate that the screening, an early release of Adam Sandler’s Grown Ups 3: The Revenge of the Grown Ups, could hardly be heard over the chattering caused by Mr. Ames’ impressive getup.
Read MoreLocal student Ahmad Oliveros reportedly began to realize he doesn’t need the textbook for his class, much to his horror. Oliveros had to buy Applied Mathematics for the College Student, 43rd edition, with the afterword signed by the professor himself.
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