Florida State student Shane Sage has been hitting up his crew nonstop this week but cannot seem to find anyone to turn up with him. His closest friend and trusted confidante Durg Boomer finally took a break from Orgo to remind Shane that everyone, including him has finals this week and that pregaming in his dorm room before grinding on girls who definitely won’t hook up with him but will let him buy them several drinks with his fake ID is not the best use of his time, at least not this week.
Read MoreStarting off strong, sophomore Lewis Anderson began preparing for his final exams by getting a head start on his inevitable breakdown. Rather than trying to avoid it, Anderson decided to dive in headfirst by spending his Tuesday morning laying in his bathtub and crying into a lukewarm Hot Pocket.
Read MoreAfter the embarrassing, soul-crushing, absolutely devastating defeat the Gators suffered at the hands of the Seminoles last night, University of Florida students spent even more time mourning than they normally do after they wake up and remember that they’re still in Gainesville.
Read MoreThe editor-in-chief of University of Florida’s satire publication, The Really Independent Florida Crocodile, produced a document signed in alligator blood early Monday morning vowing that their publication will start being funny in 2016.
Read MoreWith finals swiftly approaching, junior Carson Day has announced that he will be taking a break from his night time social media routine until exams are done, and not only successfully closed his Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Vine, and Tumblr apps but also managed to not open them again two seconds later.
Read MoreFreshman Marco Alvarez died early Tuesday morning, a mere week before Thanksgiving break because he refused to go grocery shopping.
Read MoreTo celebrate Veteran's Day today, Pi Kappa Alpha has raised almost a thousand dollars to help support veterans and get them what they really need: American flag "Chubbies."
Read MoreStudying abroad is a once in a lifetime opportunity available to Florida State students that often leaves them with lifelong memories, friends and encounters with uncircumcised penises that they will hold dear to them forever.
Read MoreAround this time of year, freshmen at colleges all over the country start getting a little homesick. As the freshness of the new school year wears off, students miss the comfort of a bed not made out of styrofoam, food that doesn’t violate any health codes and most of all, they miss their moms. But do their moms feel the same way?
Read MoreLast Saturday night, a group of local students made a wise choice to skip the Side Bar's Ying Yang Twins show and try their luck at a bar where normal people go. Leaving the pregame moderately buzzed or possibly just acting that way, 19-year-old friend Kelly Langford felt a little anxious about the group's decision to go to Bullwinkle’s.
Read MoreLocal hairdresser Melissa Bennett is no stranger to annoying requests in her line of business. From unflattering undercuts to the 20+ girls a week who ask for “something a little edgy and different, like an ombre,” Bennett is used to staying quiet and giving the customers what they want.
Read MoreAfter successfully getting accepted to Florida State University and moving away from home, freshman Ashley Lester was eager to show her high school friends, specifically her cheating ex-boyfriend from junior year, Jason, all that she could be in college.
Read More1. Ultimate zaddy and founder of the Rule of Signs, Renee Descartes. Talk about #MCM!!!!
Read MoreEvery student driver knows them and has severe trust issues as well as a few bullshit tardies because of them –the “available parking spaces” signs at FSU. You have probably noticed yourself how frequently these numbers are false (and/or how often they read ‘420’ ayyyy), but what you may not have noticed are some other lies displayed on these signs.
Read MoreEntering this weekend, few were as excited for the Seminole football season as freshman Stephen Watterson. The day started off for Watterson like any other game day; filled with Natty Light beer bongs, flagrant port-o-potty usage, and competitive cornholing.
Read MoreAs curators of both college satire and definitely credible music reviews, The Eggplant has compiled a list of the sickest, dirtiest drops of 2015.
Read MoreLocal hospitality major Kasey Loggins has had an eventful summer so far, at least according to her social media posts.
Read More1. When, despite a long storied history in the United States, people only know your tribe because you and your people are allowed to have casinos and Florida State named its football team after you.
Read MoreWith orientation having just begun for upcoming first-year students, many are preparing for 48 hours of excessive walking, heat-induced thigh burn, and uncomfortable icebreakers.
Read MoreAs now-sophomore Colby Jones packed up his Gilchrist dorm room following his finals, he took a moment to reflect on his first year of college.
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