A local fraternity at The Florida State University has pledged chapter-wide abstinence, giving new meaning to the phrase “Hit It and Quit It.”
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Expecting a snow storm over night, FSU officials woke up this morning to find only a little bit of ice. In response school president Eric Baron said “Fuck it, we’re shutting it down anyways.”
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Last night at 11:35 pm, freshman Kimberly Ellis and her friends went to the McDonalds on Tennessee St. Inside the restaurant there was a large man wearing a black sweat shirt and sweatpants, Kimberly believes this man to have been FSU quarterback and Heisman trophy winner Jameis Winston.
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“Baby, I love you!” We’ve all heard these words as we’re swiped into Suwannee dining hall with a hug and a smile. Mrs. Eva Killings is one of the most beloved and well known people at FSU.
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A recent poll of 1,000 undergraduate students revealed that the 5th floor of Strozier library is the best place to masturbate on all of the FSU campus.
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Following the success of its “Smoke Free Campus” legislation, FSU officials announce their intentions towards a completely “Cuss Free” campus by spring semester 2015.
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