Following Mississippi Governor Phil Bryant (R) signing a bill into law legalizing discrimination against the LBGTQ+ community, FSU President John Thrasher has jumped on the bandwagon of bigotry and signed his own bill into law, effective immediately: Florida State University employees may now discriminate based on whether they think you’re a fuckin’ nerd.
Read MoreThe voter turnout rate for young adults is staggeringly low. It would appear that millennials would rather “turn up” than “turn out.” However, students who did cast their ballots reported to have their motivations split between performing their civic duty and wanting to feel morally superior to others.
Read MoreIn a night described by an over-neoned flier as “a chance to live like Kings,” Tallahassee's hottest club Coliseum will be celebrating Martin Luther King Jr. Day tonight by charging a $15 cover to grind on a stranger’s half-boner while a remixed version of the Oscar-nominated film Selma (ft. Diplo) plays in the background.
Read MoreHere he is!
Read MoreTaking a break from their busy schedule of secretly brewing craft beer in the All Saint’s bathroom and writing not-likely-to-be-published think pieces on the genius of Shia LaBeouf, Tallahassee’s year-round bearded men are finally taking a stand against the annual ‘No Shave November’ event, which they believe is appropriating their culture.
Read MoreBusiness major Asher Millstone decided late Thursday night to stop fucking around on Tinder. After downing a Four Loko-Strawberrita cocktail, he changed his bio from “ΠΚΑ FSU ’17” to “Asher. 20 and a half. Love that loud.”
Read MoreThe edible embodiment of white privilege, Sunday brunch offers Tallahassee residents the opportunity to both day drink somewhere other than a football game and satisfy their food-Instagram quota for the week. Unfortunately, Saturday brunch, literally the same thing as Sunday brunch in more culturally aware areas such as New York City, Los Angeles, and Jonestown, has yet to truly take off in Tallahassee.
Read MoreAt the beginning of spring semester, thousands of students rush to sign a lease for next year’s apartment, just like they promised their parents they would do in December. While the search for an apartment with enough security to prevent break-ins but too little to prevent bong rips can be a struggle, it can also be exciting.
Read MoreEvery weekend, people gather by the hundreds to the infamous Tennessee St. McDonald’s to distract themselves from their disappointing lives by surrounding themselves with people living even shittier lives.
Read MoreAs polls open across the state today, students everywhere are trying hard to pretend to care about anything other than the medical marijuana amendment.
Read MoreIn a bold move that some are referring to as the “White Girl Apocalypse,” local pumpkin patch owners have come together to stop the growing trend of the predominately white, college-aged girls, who take pictures in their pumpkin patches and then leave without buying anything.
Read MoreLast Wednesday, Florida Governor Rick Scott made national news when he refused to walk on stage in a debate against his opponent Charlie Crist because of a small fan Crist kept underneath his podium.
Read MoreLate Friday night, The New York Times released the results of a lengthy investigation into how the Tallahassee Police Department favors FSU football players and helps them avoid punishment.
Read MoreLocal flag retailers reported early Thursday morning that their entire inventory of Confederate flags has been depleted due to the increased demand generated by the arrivals of country music star Luke Bryan and former Republican presidential candidate Ron Paul.
Read MoreA group of prospective students and their parents left Florida State University this afternoon extremely upset after walking around campus for three hours without seeing any shootings or police chases.
Read MoreBeloved FSU Quarterback Jameis Winston was cited by the TPD for allegedly stealing crab legs this past Tuesday. Winston claims the act was consensual between him and Publix.
Read MoreFlorida State University held a special ceremony this morning to honor the brave Tallahassee Police detectives who played a crucial role in securing a third national championship for FSU by not doing anything at all.
Read MoreSpring will soon be sprung here in Tallahassee and with it hopefully FSU students will start tweeting about something other than Tally’s crazy winter weather.
Read MoreTallahassee’s night life just got that much hotter as rumors swirl that former Malcolm in the Middle and Big Fat Liar star Frankie Muniz will stop by Tallahassee’s signature clubs tonight.
Read MoreTallahassee’s previously mundane nightclub LIT will be reopened this fall as “AP LIT.” Under its new management, the club is being renovated to entertain Tally’s most intelligent minority.
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