Determined to start their college years off right, members of class of 2019 are hitting the Strip and bumping and grinding on each other every chance they get. Unfortunately, it’s not all as magical as it sounds.
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In the wake of Apple’s latest announcement of slightly-worse but just-as-expensive versions of technology that Microsoft released several years ago, sophomore marketing major Josh Williams has boldly predicted that the Apple brand will become obsolete in the next few years.
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The edible embodiment of white privilege, Sunday brunch offers Tallahassee residents the opportunity to both day drink somewhere other than a football game and satisfy their food-Instagram quota for the week. Unfortunately, Saturday brunch, literally the same thing as Sunday brunch in more culturally aware areas such as New York City, Los Angeles, and Jonestown, has yet to truly take off in Tallahassee.
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Boston College started this week with a chip on their shoulder leading up to Friday’s game against Florida State, knowing that win or lose, the Jesuit college would still have the head of the Catholic Church on their side. Unfortunately for them, Pope Francis announced this morning that while he does believe in climate change, he does not believe in the Eagles’ ability to beat Florida State.
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1. Ultimate zaddy and founder of the Rule of Signs, Renee Descartes. Talk about #MCM!!!!
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Recently, Senator Marco Rubio spoke with an AM radio station in Des Moines, Iowa while the actual Republican frontrunners were on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert and packing stadiums in Dallas.
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It’s been three weeks since their fall opening, and Strozier Starbucks has struggled to keep up with the amount of students who choose to complement their overpriced tuition with overpriced coffee. The cafe is feeling confident after receiving their weekly shipment of three cups, a single napkin, and one already opened packet of honey, a day early.
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Earlier this week, the Florida State University Economics Club found itself knee-deep in hazing accusations following a blistering report released by an undercover student, as part of a series of sting operations by the FSU administration to crack down on hazing.
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With the fall semester in full swing, campus is filled with people eager to spend the flex bucks given to them by the university as a push to sugar coat the fact that they’re paying $131/week for Aramark’s prison food.
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Every student driver knows them and has severe trust issues as well as a few bullshit tardies because of them –the “available parking spaces” signs at FSU. You have probably noticed yourself how frequently these numbers are false (and/or how often they read ‘420’ ayyyy), but what you may not have noticed are some other lies displayed on these signs.
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Entering this weekend, few were as excited for the Seminole football season as freshman Stephen Watterson. The day started off for Watterson like any other game day; filled with Natty Light beer bongs, flagrant port-o-potty usage, and competitive cornholing.
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In the opening game of the University of Florida’s official intramural flag football season, the actual Gator football team suffered a loss at the hands of UF’s Alpha Tau Omega fraternity, 40-8. The Greek organization, which didn’t even finish in the better half of their intramural league last year, has successfully convinced the Gator football team that the worst is yet to come.
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Jeremy Paisley Jr., CEO of the successful educational publishing company Paisley-Nill, started this week off with a real case of the Mondays; still hung over from partying it up with his old Dartmouth buddies in the Hampton’s at their annual pre-Labor Day “All White Everything” event.*
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As curators of both college satire and definitely credible music reviews, The Eggplant has compiled a list of the sickest, dirtiest drops of 2015.
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“Well, I took three AP classes and I was in IB and I still have not gotten my first blowjob, so technically, in credits, I’m a sophomore!!!!!!!!!”
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As the new school year approaches and students move into new residences, FSU’s Free & For Sale Facebook group is booming with great deals on out-of-style clothing, questionably damaged furniture, and adorable pets who, as it turns out, actually need care and attention.
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Florida State’s 2015 Summer C is nearing its finale, as the fall semester creeps closer and closer. The summer’s been filled with countless memories, and without a doubt a few STD’s to last a lifetime.
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oday marks the end of Ramadan, the Islamic holy month of fasting. Despite what you may have thought, Islamic holidays do exist outside of International Snapchat stories!
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Shortly after news emerged of a second incident involving a Florida State football player allegedly punching an intoxicated college-aged girl in the face, Coach Jimbo Fisher brought the team into the locker room early Tuesday morning to talk about the recent events.
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After last night’s bloody Game of Thrones finale, local alumni and currently unemployed person Jeremy Goldberg has found himself facing hardship matched perhaps only by the challenge of being a Stark or a woman in Westeros.
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