“I can’t take it anymore,” said Tyler Bradley, a first-year Finance major. “It’s too hard. I thought I’d be getting straight into stocks and crypto trading.”

FSU released a statement this morning announcing the start of plans to construct a new and improved union. Starting next week, the current student union will be closed until construction finishes in 2099

Samson was left abandoned by his family following his visit to Tallahassee, and he’s wandered the Student Union aimlessly since.

Talloween is once again in full effect and, god, am I pissed off.

The budget for supplying FSU’s horny student body with protection has been $5,000 for the past ten years. This year, in the name of wrapping it up, the budget has increased to $1M.

This one's for all the Boners out there. After featuring a variety of big-name performers, FSU’s Club Downunder struck gold yet again when they took to Instagram to announce their latest upcoming musical guest: Styxx Youngbone.

Despite repeated warnings, Dr. N. Tine, acclaimed pulmonologist and graduate of the Florida State University College of Medicine, has found himself without a medical license. Following the repeated offense of hitting his Geek Bar during critical lung consultation appointments.

Scandal struck the Tallahassee bar scene this past weekend, when a bartender noticed that one of the patrons was shockingly found to be three freshmen in a trench coat.

President Richard McCullough says that he is thrilled to welcome Sendonomics to campus, and that “those wannabe sendy SEC schools ain’t got nothing like this!” He then shotgunned a Four Loko and did the griddy.

There has been an exponential rise in the frequency of FSU students accidentally misspelling FSU as “FAU.”