Spring has sprung, and as students near the ever-frightening end of the semester, mental health has been rapidly declining.
Read More
Easter is coming up, which means its time for every cradle-Catholic to cosplay a heterosexual non-degenerate while they are home for the weekend.
Read More
At the end of the hit 2007 Disney and Pixar film Ratatouille, the renowned food critic Anton Ego delivers a highly acclaimed speech about the folly of critics.
Read More
Let it be said that the students of FSU are known for a lot of...unique things.
Read More
In a poor effort to market towards the alphabet mafia, Dunkin’ Donuts has released a new James Charles drink to follow the coveted Charli D’Amelio cold foam remix.
Read More
Conservation around the highly coveted “stimmy check” has been a staple of mainstream discourse for almost a year now.
Read More
It’s pretty safe–like, triple-mask safe–to say that most of us are gosh darn over the pandemic hellscape of the last year-and-counting.
Read More
Vaccines are now promised to be made available to everyone by the first of May, meaning the full force of the long foretold vaccination season is finally upon us.
Read More
As we reach the half-way point of another nightmarish Zoom semester, the fatigue of having no breaks is finally setting in.
Read More
Last night at 11:42 am a 2’5” Pickle Rick bong was seen in the grasps of one extremely high 20-year-old.
Read More
With the one-year anniversary of the start of this hellish pandemic quickly approaching, many of us our frankly out of bullshit ways to fabricate escape from the torture.
Read More
Maybe the only good thing about the persisting Coronavirus pandemic is its function as a ubiquitous excuse for just about anything.
Read More
We’ve been in this pandemic for eleven months now, and it seems like most people have somehow learned nothing, especially you.
Read More
Due to the scarcity of the Pfizer and Moderna vaccines and inability to share formulas because of rabid capitalism, the Food and Drug Association is scrambling to find more dosages so folks don’t end up in an early grave.
Read More
Famed hot boy, democratic socialist king, and senator from Vermont Bernard Sanders may have lost to Sleepy Joe in the 2020 Democratic Primary before he even had a chance to go up against the big orange himself, but if anything, he is resilient.
Read More
Though we tried giving 2021 a good run, it proved to be 2020’s more evil, messed up twin.
Read More
In more recent news, a fast-food company specializing in “Mexican” food decided to make some cuts to their menu.
Read More
Winter brings with her the death of the trees, the flowers, and the tired gender identity of “men.”
Read More
If you’ve ever been one to yearn for life outside of your small Florida town, then you’re probably very aware of Jay Alvarrez.
Read More
With the semester rapidly coming to a close and the Holidays creeping up right behind, your trusted astrological team here at The Eggplant have provided a comprehensive guide to tackle the 2020 finale in nothing but style.
Read More