Whether it’s the irreparable brain damage caused by an overly sincere high school theatre stint or a six month “I think I can pull off a fedora” phase, we all have shortcomings that we spend every day trying to compensate for. For those whose trauma stems from a combination of being picked last for kickball a few too many times in elementary school or genuinely considering auditioning for Jeopardy every year, the mighty power wielded by the teaching assistant can be enticing.
Read MoreIt's the year of the girl, and some English majors have taken it upon themselves to act like it's also the year of the English major.
Read MoreWhile students rebel by taking the easiest math (@math for liberal arts) and science classes (hey baby bio) offered, they still have to pass. Since paying attention is not an option when phones exist, students are forced to rely on Crtl+F and Quizlet to get their homework done with four and a half minutes to spare before their 11:59 p.m. turn-ins.
Read MoreThere’s truly nothing more exciting than the party planned for Friday night.
Read MoreAs February takes its slow-burning start, everyone on campus seems to be getting settled into the new semester.
Read MoreAccording to ancient mythology, the rat got its number one place in the Chinese zodiac calendar by scamming its way to the Jade Emperor’s party first; arguably a story very similar to the way your former flame slipped into climax before you did every...single...time.
Read MoreThere comes a time after every failed relationship when one player eventually moves on and meets someone new, no matter how many candle spell curses one tries to cast unto their future endeavors.
Read MoreAs awards season inches towards its annual grand finale, the Internet’s proverbial torches and pitchforks have been raised towards the recently announced Oscar nominations.
Read MoreI know what you’re doing. You’re standing there, no...sitting. And I’m standing because I’m stronger than you.
Read MoreThere’s nothing like a house party on a Friday night with the gang. The same old friends week after week, drinking Natty Light in the same dimly lit backyard; it’s truly magical.
Read MoreWhat professors know as “syllabus week,” a.k.a. the first week of school where the class goes over just how late they can get away with turning their papers in, students see as an entire week filled with shitty iterations of the same FSU-mandated policies and pre-games from hell.
Read MoreThree days in and “sylly week XD” not treating you like you thought it would?
Read MoreThere’s nothing more exhilarating than going home for the holidays and watching the scale climb faster than that struggling GPA could ever dream of, making those resolutions feel absolutely farcical.
Read MoreIt’s difficult to think back on what life was like while you two were together - a whopping 3.5 weeks ago.
Read MoreCuffing season is well over and done with, leaving photos of girls with their hands on their significant others’ chests in its wake.
Read MoreThe holiday season is the time for sharing. Some people share gifts, while others share notes of affection, but most importantly, some people share their Spotify Wrapped information for all 789 of their Instagram followers to see.
Read MoreThe holiday season is in full swing, and that means that your qualified Astrological Defense Force at The Eggplant FSU is ready to offer some cosmic wisdom as you knock the year out.
Read MoreEveryone knows a person that will live, breath and die by the stance that “Die Hard” is a Christmas movie and should be respected as such.
Read MoreWith exam season upon us, everything is quite literally going to shit.
Read MoreEvery year a new guy will find a way to sneak his dirty little claws into an unsuspecting girlie’s heart.
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